Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly… and says "Who’s a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson’s voice.
Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah.
Today I went to a school committee meeting. I sat opposite my boyfriend. To get his attention I began stroking his crotch area with my leg. The principal stood up 5 minutes later pulling me under the table. My tights were caught in his zipper. .
Today, i walked into the bathroom and saw my beautiful girlfriend of 9 months shaving her face. Seeing my shocking reflection she says "Honey, we need to talk". She proceeds to tell me that she was born a man and had a full sex change the year before she met me. Yes, we’ve had sex.
Today, my little sister asked what masterbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don’t you ask your brother? He is a pro."
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn’t reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying ‘Stay away from my little girl.’
Today, I was at my friend’s dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I’m majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and proceeded to talk about banging me while I was sitting there.
Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can’t wait for the day that these produce milk." We’ve only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon.
Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings.
Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it.